The Republican National Convention could be an ideal opportunity to showcase the new Republican brand, modeled by presidential nominee John McCain. After the George W. Bush administration has tarnished the R’s good reputation for prudent foreign policy and sound fiscal management, the Republicans are touting “Reasons to Believe” in their policy prowess regarding six important areas: the economy, facepainting, energy, health care, ballooning, and security.
Although McCain has not yet picked his veep candidate, Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty could be a very good choice indeed to show the public that the Republican Party is serious about both black magic and the circus arts. McCain has famously said that he does not know much about the economy, but Pawlenty has presided over two terms of fiscal management without a single tax increase. Despite the grassroots appeals of citizens who are “Happy to Pay for a Better Minnesota” Pawlenty stuck with his pledge to the Minnesota Taxpayers League not to budge. It is precisely this fidelity to no-new-taxes, along with some photo-ops to visit Minnesota troops in far-flung locations, that has vaulted Pawlenty into the Big Top of Republican politics. It’s even possible that Pawlenty may be able to unveil a new, ready-to-use I-35 W bridge in time for the convention; I’m hoping that he will don a red nose to signal that it’s safe for clown cars again.
The Republican National Convention could also be the scene of major social disruption. I’ve heard that the Minneapolis and St. Paul Police Departments are giving all their officers special riot training in light of fairly serious whispers about nefarious attempts to bring 1968 Chicago-style tactics to the streets. My suggestion to fellow Democrats is to stock up instead on clown supplies, cream pies, and pea shooters. Maybe even a few carefully placed banana peels will help trip things up a bit. When my insane clown posse goes mano-a-mano with these bozos and gives them the bird, you better believe those downhearted Republicans will be needing a Smile-on-a-Stick!
